it was here where we took this risk,

all such a blur,

everything we seemed to have missed,

i've hit the floor too many times,

i've wasted away my life,

writing these sad sad ryhmes,

we took the chance but never changed,

wanted to feel the fall,

but always fell the same,

the shadows danced across the street,

our world crashing down around us,

ghosts of the past lay at our feet,

nobody could describe it from the start,

we fooled the whole world,

it only cost a piece of my heart,

our voices echoed together,

the truth we must confess,

this won't last forever,

and we're stuck inside this mess...

well, there was this boy. Ronnie. I loved him. I had known him since sixth grade, and started talking to him before i moved in seventh. he was so sweet and funny, i fell hard for him. the summer after seventh grade we caught up again on myspace [haha myspace?] and he admitted he had feelings for me. so, we were friends for a long time. he said he loved me after a while, even though we weren't in a relationship. i went thorugh a lot of girlfriends to wait for him to want me. on december 6, he did. he told me he loved me and i was in a relationship with him. it felt amazing. i was so happy and everything seemed perfect. but sometime during march, he told my best friend, whom i was on the phone with, that he wanted to break up with me. my friend yelled at him, telling him to call me himself and do it, rather than find out like i already had. i was in wal greens. he called me, said he wanted to break up with me, then hung up. i didnt even get a chance to reply. you can't imagine the sharp pain i felt inside. to make things even worse, i began to cry and people i knew and went to school with were there. then, later that same night, he called me and before i kne it, we were together again. and once again, i felt complete. but..after that, he had broken up with me through my voicemail.  i heard it a 4 a.m. when i woke up. i was so upset. but, as always, we got back together. why? because i love[d] him. then, we had another break up because he stop taking my calls and i had no idea what was wrong. only did i find out, he had cheated on me. and im not talking just one kiss. much more. by that time, i really thought i had had enough. but i guess i hadn't because months later, we were together again. is there a pattern to this? im not too good with standing up for myself i thought he was the most perfect person out there and that i didnt deserve him. after that, we were okay again. but then he had someone close to him die. i didn't know what to do. he never wanted to talk, so i gave him space, thinking that would help him cope. i was dead wrong, because he broke up with me june 28th for that exact reason. we've talked a little, but we're over for good. the truth is, i still love him. i really always have and will. and either im incredibly stupid for taking it all, or im incredibly in love with the boy who's broken me more times than i can count.

and now it all seems as though it wasn't all my fault, as he had always said time and time again. i still feel that void and i still feel that im missing apart of me sometimes, but i also can finally forgive myself and stop blaming myself for the way i am or what i can or did do.

well, today was just like any other. then i heard the Goo Goo Dolls. the funy thing is, i've always heard them, but today..it just made me feel sad.not the kind of "oh that song is sad" way, but more of a gut-wrenching, fall-to-the-floor way. it's so pathetic, but it really got to me in a way i can't really and truly describe.

Anyway, my day was pretty much terrible. don't you just hate how when you're fully ready for somebody-anybody- to talk to you, they don't? oh but of course, when you're utterly pissed off, they all come running up to you wanting to strike up a conversation as of you haven't seen them in years.Yeah. i hate that too.In english, i have to write a paper on a controversial topic. I chose Proposition 8. i am against it, of course. I really want to make it great because even though i really hate Ms. Stonich, i secretly want to impress her. i think something must be wrong with me. I honestly want to impress someone who i despise with my writing abilities. Haha. I guess that's just me.